And now for something different…

We’re three weeks into the broadcast of the new Star Wars animated series on Cartoon Network, The Clone Wars. As most people are already aware, this builds directly upon the August theatrical release of the same name (seeing as how that was basically the original first four episodes of the series and all) and tells us the adventures of Anakin Skywalker and his new padawan, Ahsoka.

Now, I’m something of a Star Wars fan. Make that huge. I pretty much blame the summer of ’97 and my friends for that (following the Special Edition rereleases). So I’m pretty predisposed to enjoy anything that has lightsabers in it (as I’ve said on the About page, expect much Expanded Universe bloggage in the future). I enjoyed the CW movie for what it was. I remained enthused about the series. But we’ve now had four episodes beyond the movie– a standalone with Yoda and some Troopers, and then the three-part Malevolence arc– and I find myself watching these episodes and waiting, nay hoping for them to finally click.

It could be some stiff animation for regular walking, it could be the impersonator voice-actors, it might be the monkey wrench they throw into established Clone War continuity– but I’m 99.9% sure it’s actually the dialogue. Virtually anything the Battle Droids say (and believe me, they say a lot) is a tired old cliche meant to play for a laugh but is actually something five year olds wouldn’t consider funny. And if someone suggests that it’s the homage to the B-movie serials Star Wars was originally based on, I’ll pop ’em one. If you can think of a groan worthy piece of dialogue, it’s in there somewhere– and the tragedy is that even the Lucas-penned prequel scripts weren’t this bad!

This past week’s episode had Anakin and Padme reuniting in the depths of the Malevolence… and as I watched the episode, I found myself wondering, “Really, why would a Senator meet with a leader of the Separatists when they know that the ultimate leader of the Separatists wants her dead?” So Padme being there at all was incredibly contrived. And then the attempts at a tender reunion with Anakin usually left me arching an eyebrow and saying incredulously, “Really?!”

Virtually anything leaving Obi-Wan’s mouth is a bad cliche of a stuck up English gentleman. Grievous spent way too much time running around his ship instead of sending flunkies (and believe me, I’m waiting for an Anakin/Grievous meeting that will outright contradict Revenge of the Sith!).

Oh, and should I mention the implication that ion cannons were only created by the Separatists during the Clone Wars? Come on, guys!

Also, the lightsabers are about 1/4 too long. 😛

Don’t get me wrong, on some level I enjoy the show. It’s not a total loss. Next week’s episode appears to be entirely Clone Troopers and it looks promising. But, the motion picture Star Wars adventures are supposed to be something special and I have yet to see anything that really justified a television series. And we need that.

Genndy Tartakovsky accomplished far more in his twenty-episode microseries (and its five expanded episode follow-up) than these guys have managed in four hours. The first episode of the cel-animated Clone Wars had me cheering. Some of the ones that followed, in turn, blew that one away.

I can’t even think of a scene in the new series that competes with it. A pity.

But, like I said, I’m a Star Wars fan, so I’ll keep watching and keep recording and will buy the eventual DVD release. But I’ll keep waiting and hoping for this series to justify its existence.